What Makes a Festival Great?
The GrooveGrade Rubric—Exposing the Brilliant and the Broken
Festivals aren’t just lineups—they’re battlegrounds where organizers prove whether they respect attendees or just their wallets. Our rubric tears apart the hype, grading festivals on 10 make-or-break categories. Here’s what separates the A+ legends from the F-rated scams:
📍 Venue
A+ Example: Electric Forest’s Sherwood Forest
- Magical woodland stages, no dead zones, ADA-compliant pathways.
F Example: A desert fest with stages 2 miles apart and zero shade.
Great venues feel like home. Bad ones feel like corporate afterthoughts.
🔊 Sound
A+ Example: Movement Detroit’s punchy, bleed-free bass bins.
F Example: A "main stage" where vocals sound like a broken walkie-talkie.
Pro tip: If the bass doesn’t rattle your soul, demand a refund.
🎪 Production
A+ Example: Burning Man’s mutant art cars + Coachella’s living stage sculptures.
F Example: A "headliner" performing under Walmart parking lot lights.
Production should wow you—not make you question the ticket price.
🍔 Amenities
A+ Example: Bonnaroo’s free water stations and vegan food trucks.
F Example: $20 warm beers and 2-hour toilet lines.
Hungry, dehydrated fans = a festival that failed Basics 101.
🚽 Sanitation
A+ Example: Glastonbury’s famously clean compost toilets.
F Example: Porta-potties that haven’t been cleaned since 2019.
No one should risk tetanus to pee.
👥 Crowd & Culture
A+ Example: Shambhala’s "no phones on the dance floor" respect.
F Example: Pushy crowds + zero staff de-escalation.
Good vibes are curated, not accidental.
🏃 Strenuosity
A+ Example: Hulaween’s cozy stage proximity.
F Example: A fest where you hike 30K steps just to see headliners.
Attending shouldn’t require a marathon medal.
💸 Cost Value
A+ Example: Sound Haven’s $200 ticket with camping included.
F Example: A $500 "VIP" pass with no actual perks.
Bonus F: Festivals that blame "inflation" while doubling profits.
🚺 Women’s Safety
A+ Example: Afropunk’s zero-tolerance harassment policy + safe ride programs.
F Example: No lighting, no security, and dismissed assault reports.
If your sister wouldn’t feel safe, it’s an automatic F.
🌈 LGBTQIA+ Safety
A+ Example: Girls in Wonderland’s gender-neutral spaces and queer staff training.
F Example: Token "diversity" lineups with no on-ground support.
Rainbow capitalism isn’t inclusivity.
The Verdict
An A+ festival feels like a revolution—where every detail screams "we give a shit." An F festival? That’s just a cash grab with a DJ.
GrooveGrade’s mission: Arm you with the truth, so you can vote with your wallet. Because great festivals don’t happen by accident—they’re built by crowds who refuse to settle.
Next time you’re grading a fest, ask: "Would I fight for this experience?" If not, drop that F and let’s rebuild.